


Yo Ho

by Jetamors



Category: Bleach
Genre: Female Protagonist, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Pirates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-31
Updated: 2008-09-09
Packaged: 2017-10-04 15:34:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jetamors/pseuds/Jetamors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yachiru has a new obsession, and the rest of Soul Society gets pulled along in her wake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Pirate's Life For Me

"Arrr," Yachiru growled.

"Do we really have to do this?" The deck heaved—really, it was more of a sudden lurch—and Ikkaku stumbled for a moment before regaining his footing.

"I be the pirate captain of this ship, not you, Pachinko-head! First Mate Ken-chan, throw the Skipper in the brig!"

Kenpachi peered over the side at the shinigami carrying their craft. "I don't think we have a brig, kid."

"Ten lashes, then!"

"Perhaps someday you'll learn to shut up and go along with things gracefully," Yumichika said, fluttering his eyelashes.

"Piss off, cabin boy."

Yachiru hopped up to the bow and put a hand to the brim of her tri-cornered hat, peering off into the distance. "Avast, there be a merchant ship off the starboard bow. Come alongside, mates!"

The ship lurched around indecisively. "No, not that way, _that_ way!" Losing patience, Yachiru finally jumped to the ground and pointed them in the right direction.

The merchant ship was not entirely unaware of their pursuers. "Is that a pirate ship I see on the horizon? Oh, Nanao-chan, whatever shall we do?"

Nanao, who was filling out paperwork on the deck next to her captain, didn't even look up. "Perhaps we should make plans to outrun them, sir."

"But they approach so quickly! Darling Nanao-chan, save me!" Shunsui clutched pitifully at her robes.

"Save yourself!" she retorted, and pushed him off the side.

"Prepare to board, men," Yachiru informed her crew.

"Nanao-chan, they're coming right now!"

Ikkaku spit over the side. "This is the worst inter-Squad training exercise ever."


	2. Yachiru's Quest for Booty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yachiru is a pirate captain, and pirate captains need treasure.

"Ken-chan, where can I get some booty?"

Kenpachi spluttered. "Yer--yer looking for _what_?"

Yachiru sighed. "Booty, Ken-chan. You know, treasure. I'm a pirate, remember?"

Kenpachi took a moment to look her up and down. Yes, there was the tri-cornered hat, the hook she used as a left hand, the striped socks she had taken to wearing…

"Arr," Yachiru added helpfully.

"Yes, I remember you're a pirate. You have been for weeks now."

"So where am I going to get booty, cap'n?"

"Sheesh, I dunno, kid. Find somebody who's pissed you off lately and beat it outta them."

"I—I'm ready, Captain," Kenpachi's next opponent whispered. Kenpachi turned and sized the woman up.

"Hey, Yachiru, you wanna take this one on?"

"No thanks, Ken-chan. I hafta go get some booty, remember? I'll spar tomorrow. Bye!" And with that, she sped off.

Kenpachi sighed. This pirate thing had been going on much longer than any of her usual fads. Maybe he should get her a real ship…

"C-Captain?" His opponent looked like she was about to wet herself. He grinned, and stalked over to the mats.

\---

"Booty?" Matsumoto laid down her pen, and contemplated the idea for a moment. "Well, people say I have a pretty good booty, and of course my captain has a very cute booty…"

"No, Boobies, I be talking about swag. If I be the pirate captain, then I be needing a bit of gold to round out me treasure trove."

Hitsugaya glared at both of them over the edge of his desk. "You, get back to work. You, get out."

"Oh, come on, captain, she just wants a little booty. I'll bet you could just—"

"Now, Matsumoto."

There was obviously no booty to be found in the Tenth Squad. Yachiru wandered further.

\---

The Ninth Squad had long since developed a protocol for dealing with Yachiru's visits. As usual, Hisagi met her at the gate.

"Sorry, kid, my captain's got no booty at all."

Yachiru squinted suspiciously at him. "I dunno… for a land-lubber, methinks ye have the look a' someone with a fine booty of 'is own."

Hisagi blushed. "Um, no, actually," he said, his voice higher-pitched than usual. "Perhaps you should try further down?"

\---

The Eight Squad let her in, as per their protocol, and as usual Captain Kyouraku was quite willing to help.

"Oh, Nanao-chan, the vice-captain of the Eleventh Squad wants some booty."

"Sir, I really need to finish these--"

"Avast, Nanao-san, I want some booty! I want it now!"

Nanao pushed up her glasses reflexively. "I'm afraid I don't know anything about—"

"Don't listen to her," Shunsui said in a loud whisper. "My sweet Nanao-chan has practically written the book on booty."

Yachiru's eyes went wide. "Really?"

"No!" Nanao snapped. "Stop telling her things. I don't have any boo—I don't have any treasure for her."

Yachiru brandished her hook at the vice-captain. "Arr, ye will regret this, booty wench, if it be the last thing ye do!"

Shunsui gasped theatrically. "Oh, my darling Nanao-chan could never be referred to as a mere wench! She is a beauty—ma belle dame de la mere! Next to yourself, of course, my dear pirate captain."

"She be naught but a bilge rat!"

"Out!"

\---

The Seventh Squad was out doing exercises in the Rukongai, so Yachiru went straight to the Sixth.

"Ahoy!"

Renji jumped, upsetting the inkpot and spilling ink all over his desk. "Vice-I mean, Yachiru! What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like… like…"

"Ahoy, I be a pirate, matey! And I be looking for some booty!"

Renji jumped again. "Wh-wh-what?"

Yachiru pouted. "Why does everybody say that? I be a pirate captain, and a pirate captain be needing booty! Pieces of eight! Treasure!"

"Pieces of eight?"

"Pieces of eight! Pieces of eight! Yarr, must I be constantly explainin' things to ye scurvy land-lubbers?"

"Well…" Renji looked blank for a moment, then grinned.

"You know, my captain is one of the richest nobles in Soul Society. I'll bet he's got lots of booty at his house."

It was the first solid lead Yachiru had gotten. "Yippee! Thanks, Inky! Ye can be me second mate any time!"

"Just… just don't tell him I sent you," Renji said weakly, though by that time Yachiru was already gone.

\---

"Arai, why is the vice-captain of the Eleventh Squad poling a raft in my koi pond?"

"I believe she is sailing off in search of booty, sir."

Byakuya's eyes narrowed. "She didn't take the candy?"

"Oh, she ate all of the candy, sir. But she said it wasn't the booty she was looking for." As they spoke, Yachiru reached the center of the pond. She unsheathed her zanpakuto and began sharpening her pole with it.

"I'm sorry, sir, but she simply wouldn't leave. She seems to believe that there's booty in the koi pond. I thought it best to humor her."

"Booty, you say?"

"Er, yes, sir."

"Hm."

Yachiru examined her new spear for a moment. Finding it satisfactory, she twirled it once or twice, then suddenly plunged it into the water. It emerged with a bright gold fish impaled at the end. Yachiru giggled. Arai paled. Byakuya twitched.

"Hi, Bya-kun!" She gestured with the spear. "Shiver me timbers! I found gold!"

"Those fish have been bred by the Kuchikis for a thousand years…" Arai said weakly.

"Why don't you go show it to your captain?" Byakuya said.

"Great idea, Bya-kun! Arr, pirate captain Yachiru will be seeing ye later!" She grinned, gave a jaunty salute, and sped off.

"Sir, I'm so very, very sorry."

"A small price, to get her to go," Byakuya mused. "Now lock the gates."

\---

"Congratulations, Captain Byakuya."

"I am disappointed, but I must confess, you won fair and square."

"They say it was the only unanimous vote in the Shinigami Women's Association's history."

Byakuya had no idea what they were referring to, so he simply ignored the comments. While normally an effective strategy, in this case an inquiry would have served him well. Though perhaps, as Byakuya finally concluded, nothing could have adequately prepared him for the moment when Vice-Captain Yachiru solemnly awarded him a certificate proclaiming his booty the finest in all of Soul Society.


	3. Pirates versus Ninjas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The eternal conflict flames anew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to shayheyred for the beta!

"Out of my way, captain!" Soi Fong didn't even pause as she barreled past him. He didn't quite have time to jump out of the way, and she practically ran him over.

"Ain'tcha even gonna say excuse me?" he called. But she was already gone.

"Are you all right, sir?" Kira rushed over to give his captain a hand up.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Gin fixed a smile on his face and brushed the dirt off his robes.

"Do you want me to, to, to say something to Captain Soi Fong?"

Gin waited a moment to respond. There was something fascinating about watching Kira squirm. He was like a worm on a hook. "Nah, it's okay," he said finally. Kira gave a sigh of relief. "You know I ain't the vindictive type."

\---

A few hours later, Gin was doing paperwork in his office when a small round face peered around the corner.

"Ahoy! Whatcha doin', Gin-kun?"

Gin put down his papers and smiled down at her. "Shouldn't you be on your Captain's back?"

"No, Ken-chan is sleeping, and nobody wanted to train with me." In a blur of motion, she hopped up on his desk, sitting on the highest pile of papers. "So I was thinking maybe we could play a game, matey!"

"And what kind of game were you thinking about?"

"Arr, Gin-kun, ye know the game. Pirates! I'll be the pirate captain, and ye can be the navy coming to get me, only then I'll raid your ships and…"

"Hold on, hold on," Gin said, holding his hands up. "I got work to do here, kid."

Yachiru pouted. "But I'm bored, and I want somebody to play with."

"Well, tellya what. I'll tell you a story, and then you can go and do something else for a while."

Yachiru looked a little dubious. "What kind of story?"

"Oh, you'll like it. It's all about the never-ending battle between pirates and…ninjas."

Yachiru's eyes went wide. "Ninjas?"

"Didn't you know? Pirates and ninjas are eternal rivals. Everybody knows the pirates are the best at everything, but the ninjas just won't accept it. And so they're always fighting each other, and neither side will ever back down."

"But which ones are really stronger?"

Gin smiled a little wider. "Why don't you go ask Captain Soi Fong? I'm sure she knows all about it."

\---

"Captain!"

"What?" Soi Fong snapped. She'd been having a horrible day; an entire field team had disappeared without a trace, one of her officers had been caught embezzling money to the Rukongai black market, and, most troublingly, she had misplaced her black cat plushie.

"Well, um, Vice-Captain Yachiru is outside, and…we think you're the only one who can deal with her, Captain. She's being very…um, more so than usual."

Soi Fong sighed. She really didn't have time for this. "Didn't you give her some candy?"

"Captain…" Her fifth seat looked even more terrified than before. "She said it was even more important than candy."

"WHAT?" Soi Fong jumped to her feet and started out the door. "What could possibly be that serious?"

Outside, the scene was chaotic. Yachiru was standing in the center of one of the training courtyards shouting at the top of her lungs, with most of the Second Division rushing around the perimeter trying to placate her. Soi Fong stood at the edge of the courtyard, but didn't say anything; as her subordinates noticed her, they melted into the adjacent buildings.

Yachiru stopped shouting as everyone disappeared. Finally, she faced Soi Fong alone.

"Why are you here? Has something happened?" Soi Fong asked.

In response, Yachiru pointed a finger directly at her. "Ye be nothing but a big smelly ninja!"

Soi Fong blinked. Of all the responses she had been anticipating, this was definitely not one of them. "I beg your pardon?"

"Avast, stupid ninja! I be a pirate, and pirates always be better than any ninja stupid-heads!"

Soi Fong counted to ten. Then counted to ten again. The situation was intolerable, but even she wasn't willing to go to war with the Eleventh Division over something so idiotic. "The ninja arts are a long and honorable tradition in Soul Society, Vice-Captain. Your little game is amusing but it really can't compare in any way."

She was almost caught off-balance when Yachiru charged.

\---

"You wanted to see me, Captain Yamamoto?"

"Er, yes, it's about your proposed budget for the next quarter. Did you forget that the 46 have reassigned this portion of the general funds to the gigai office in the Twelfth Division?"

"I don't recollect anyone telling me about that."

"Yes, it was one of the final changes they made to the overall Gotei 13 budget, in response to Captain Kurotsuchi's persistent requests."

"I see. Thank you for telling me, sir." He bowed, and turned to the door.

"Don't do anything rash, boy," Yamamoto warned.

Gin smiled over his shoulder. "Wouldn't think of it."

Just as he started down the outside hall, a messenger dashed past him and into Captain Yamamoto's chambers. He didn't stop to close the door, so Gin could hear them clearly.

"Sir, it's Captain Soi Fong and Vice-Captain Yachiru. They're at each other's throats, sir! You're the only one who can sort it out."

"What? What on earth is going on?"

"Nobody's quite sure what triggered it, sir… but we think if it goes on much longer Captain Soi Fong will release her bankai."

There was the sound of shunpo and the impression of a great wind passing by, and Captain Yamamoto was gone. Gin decided it might be worth his while to stick around for a while. He snagged one of the First Squad officers rushing by.

"Hey there, kid. How you doing?"

"C-C-Captain Ichimaru?"

"You been having fun with old Yamamoto?"

"…urgle?"

While Gin waited patiently for an articulate response, Captain Yamamoto returned, a shamefaced Soi Fong and an unrepentant Yachiru trailing in his wake. He cast a dour look at Gin, but swept into his office without comment.

Gin continued to play with the little shinigami he'd hooked, paying little attention to the low voices (and occasional loud outbursts) coming from Yamamoto's office. By the time the office door opened, she'd had managed to edge her way to the end of the corridor, but still hadn't formed a complete sentence.

Yachiru looked more cowed than Gin had ever seen her, but still undefeated. "I don't care what Yama-jii says," she muttered as they came down the hall. "Pirates and ninjas be enemies for ever and ever, and I'll be scuppered if I don't fight you again."

Soi Fong was looking a bit desperate.

Gin favored them with one of his smiles as they approached him. The First Squad shinigami scuttled away. "Captain, Vice-Captain. Hope your meeting went well."

"I don't care what he says! I'll never give up, even if they send me to Davy Jones' locker!"

Gin leaned down and cupped Yachiru's chin in his hand. "Can I tell you another story?"

"Just don't take too long, Gin-kun. I be having ninjas to fight."

"I'll give you the short version thing. See, even though pirates and ninjas are rivals forever and ever, there's one thing they both agree on."

"Really? What is it, Gin-kun?"

"Well, you see, his enemy is so evil that pirates and ninjas will put aside their battles to fight together against them."

"Who is it, Gin-kun? Who?"

Gin smiled even more widely. Such an impressionable little thing. "Why, clowns, of course."

"No," Soi Fong said. "I've had enough of this nonsense. I'm going back to my squad and staying out of trouble."

Yachiru broke away from Gin to run to her. "But Soi-san, you have to! Mayuri-kun is our enemy! We have to fight him together! Come on! A real ninja would fight against the clowns with me! Pleasepleasepleaseplease?"

Soi Fong turned on Gin, actually baring her teeth. "This is your fault, isn't it?"

Gin smiled. "Don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm going to get you for this, Gin."

"Temper, temper, Captain. Besides, shouldn't you be thanking me for solving your little problem here?"

She shot him a venomous look, but knelt down to Yachiru's eye level. "We do this and we're even. No more ninja-pirate battles."

"Come on, then," Yachiru said, tugging her by the hand. "We gotta go get him now!"

Gin ambled after them. The First Division Vice-Captain was standing near the gate; as Gin approached it, he narrowed his eyes.

"Don't think Captain Yamamoto hasn't noticed what happens to your enemies, Captain Ichimaru," he warned.

Gin put on his most innocent face, smiling even more widely and actually opening his eyes. "Ain't it weird? Guess it must be karma."


	4. A New Picture Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All good things must come to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit short, but I hope you enjoy this last installment of the grand pirate saga.

The end came like the changing of the tides: inevitable, but almost imperceptible to the untrained eye. Captain Zaraki, as usual, was the first to notice. When Yachiru broke her hook and neglected to replace it, he didn't say anything to her about it. But he quietly canceled his order with the shipwrights, and told the next subordinate going to the mortal world to pick out few children's books while she was there.

The Eleventh Squad, finely tuned to their Vice-Captain's moods, worked it out when they witnessed her relative indifference toward Captain Ukitake's gift of a treasure chest full of gold coins—an indifference that instantly became unbridled enthusiasm as soon as the chocolate under the gold foil was revealed, of course. Never ones to miss an opportunity, they immediately began making bets with less intelligent shinigami in other squads.

The rest of Soul Society took a little while longer to catch on. Vice-Captain Iba was disappointed when Yachiru failed to turn up to Pirates and Marines, a game they'd played weekly since Yachiru donned her first tri-cornered hat, but having previously been in the Eleventh, he knew better than to take it personally. Captain Aizen's efforts at pirate speech, which Yachiru had previously encouraged, were suddenly met with open scorn, and it took his Vice-Captain the better part of a day to persuade him that it was just an aberration, and that he wasn't _really_ bad with children. The Twelfth figured it out when she took down the pirate flag that had previously flown above the Eleventh's training quarters, the Fourth knew when she stopped pestering them about getting gold teeth, and in similar ways, the news gradually spread to everyone in Seireitei.

As a matter of fact, the last person to figure out that Yachiru's pirate phase was over was Yachiru herself. For her, it ended very suddenly, one night right before bedtime.

"Ken-chan, I'm tired of the pirate book. Pirates are boring now."

Captain Zaraki rolled his eyes. "It's about time, brat. What do you want to read about next?"

"Fairies! With big sparkly wings, and pointy ears, and all glowy like fireflies! And I can be the fairy queen, and Ken-chan, you can be the fairy king, or maybe Bya-kun, he looks more like a fairy to me…"

Sitting outside the door, Ikkaku put his head in his hands. "And I thought the last one was bad. I ain't wearing no wings, that's for sure."

"Hmph, who would want to put beautiful fairy wings on an ungraceful man like you?" Yumichika replied. "I, on the other hand, will be absolutely gorgeous. This one is going to be _fun_!"


End file.
